The Saga of Punk Walrus

A Fable for the Modern Era

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So just what is this book, "The Saga of Punk Walrus"? It's been compared to the writings of Plato ("Hard to understand"), to the teachings of Aesop ("Uses a lot of weird animals"), and to the wisdom of the ancients ("Forgotten and mysterious"). As one reader put it, "It's like Steven King and Douglas Adams sat down one day and wrote a Scooby-Doo Mystery..." That man would have been 35 today.

The story centers around a walrus who become disillusioned with the boring life shared by his fellow walruses, so he leaves his home to become a rock star, only to find out this doesn't solve anything. Along the way he meets Sid Saurus, a time-weary agent, Krakken, a giant squid with a penchant for money and the bitterness that comes with it, Robb, a lobster drummer who is a few shrimp short of a combo platter, and Julie, a small human with powers beyond those of young mortal girls. They team up and spend most of their time arguing and insulting one another while adventures happlessly happen around them.

Among the millions of books in the world, this has been labeled as surely one of them, with more text than a typical driver's manual, but less than the Bible. It is printed on paper, similar to the kind of paper used in renowned best-selling books like "The Great Gatsby", "The Road Less Traveled", and "101 Uses for a Dead Cat." It can be both read aloud to a friend, and silently to one's self. It requires no extra equipment other than what you already have, and in emergencies, can be used to kill small vermin. There is a copy of it in The Library of Congress, and also in the home of the great Neal Whitman. Half of the (bad) illustrations are done by your truly, and the other (good) half, are done by reknown local Goth artist, Suzi. She is an artist whose work has been seen in the Goth/Rave/Fandom scene, as well as magazines like Blue Blood, Gateways, and various tatoo art. She is also a good friend.

The book is divided into three chapters:

*A Punk Walrus is Born

The beginning story of a disillusioned walrus that becomes a punk rock star only to find out it doesn't solve any of his problems. He travels from his homeland in the Arctic to a Record Producer in the Antarctic, avoiding the disastrous Sea World, and fans throwing potato peelings. What is his true destiny? Just what are the dreams of a walrus that just doesn't fit in? And is disco truly dead? Find out in the story that started it all as the interesting twist ending reveals just how much control one can have of their own destiny...

*The Adventures of Punk Walrus

Punk finds himself a victim of the booming space program, and ends up in another dimension with a super-intelligent six-year old girl and a powerful gem. He is then chased by a huge blob, because, frankly, the story needed a plot complication. Just who is the mysterious Julie, and what powers are the Gems, and which are her own? And just how badly can you rip off Lewis Carrol? Follow our sorry pair as they travel to distant lands where your path can be easily changed by the roll of the dice...

*Punk Walrus and the Deadly Cuckoo Clock

Mystery abounds as Punk's ex-laboratory technician is murdered by a mysterious race of alien beings. Their investigation leads them to a small New England seaside town, where things are not what they seem. Old women float to the ceiling and invasions of cabbage patch dolls with a mysterious otherworldly ruler threatens to take over. And what about those weird citizens of Innsmouth? What's up with those guys? And can a gang of biker astrophysicists take back the timepiece inheritance that they so rightly deserve? These questions, and many others are confusing readers in this exciting story that may cause H.P. Lovecraft to haunt me from the grave...

*... wait, there's more!

You also get the much-hyped short story, "Punk Walrus Makes Toast," a tale about a lonely quest to make breakfast. This, and Punk's philosophy on Carlos Castineda, reality in general while waiting for a ride, and his interview with Playwalrus.

Just How Do I Order?

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This delightful piece of literature can be yours for a mere $5.00 in US currency, and is available from the author during my tours while supplies last. Or, if you wish, you can order the book for $5.00 plus $3.20 for shipping and handling (put away that calculator, that's $8.20). Volume discounts are available to merchants and book handlers. I accept money orders, personal checks (wait 2 weeks for it to clear), or if you have a credit card, I accept payments in both Paypal and Exchangepath. If you want a signed copy, please indicate this with your order, and whom you want it made out to. As at the conventions, there is no extra charge for signed copies by the author. If you want signed copies by the artist, feel free to e-mail me, and we might be able to arrange something.
And, a
sequel is in the works...

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