"The (Viking/Barbarian/Mongol/SCA/Fandom) Birthday Dirge" is sung to the first refrain of "The Volga Boatmen," composed by Ilya Yefimovich Repin (1844-1930), Russian painter and composer, born in Chuguyev, considered the outstanding realist of his generation. Yes, he was depressing, even more so than your typical Scandinavian black and white art film. Even if you don't know the tune by name (likely), you surely know it by sound. It's the depressing sounding Russian folk tune that nearly everyone has heard at one time or another. The resounding thud that follows each "Happy Birthday!" is traditionally accompanied by either a "HUHN"-like grunt, or a thump on the table or floor. The sort of groaning grunt that workers lifting heavy loads, marching into a bleak battle, or rowing huge oars might find natural.

The origins are shrouded in mystery. My first exposure to it was in the early 1980's, when it was sung to me backstage during a rehearsal of "The Diary of Anne Frank." I've heard various forms of the tune performed by various organizations (Harvard, fandom, and the SCA). Some sources on the web state that it was started at Harvard University in the 1930's by one of the fraternities, yet other state it wasn't until the early 1970's when there was a resurgeance of artsy and obsuficating forgein films with depressing classical music backdrops. This tune, like "The Ride of the Valkeries and "O Fortuna," was apparently one of the many public domain "stock" musical scores overused to the point of comedy. In either case, it has been popular in some circles because it's:

1. Not copyrighted, thus no royalty fees (where as the popular "Happy Birthday to You," is copyrighted)
2. Humorously not standard
3. Yet takes on the popular ribbing of how aging is a depressing theme

The Dirge is know know in various circles as "The Barbarian Birthday Song", "The Viking Birthday Song", "The SCA Birthday Dirge", and so on. This is a compilation if lyris found about the Internet and my own memory. Most of the time, the song is much shorter, with themes that more match the person being sung to or about. A MIDI file is presented here, for those of you who want to sing along.

THE BIRTHDAY DIRGE

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Doom and gloom and dark despair
People dying everywhere!
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May the candles on your cake
Burn like cities in your wake.
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Your servants steal, your wife's untrue
Your children plot to murder you
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn the castle and storm the keep
Kill the women, but save the sheep
For your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Birthdays come but once a year
Marking time as Death draws near
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now you've aged another year
Now you know that Death is near
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Now that you're the age you are
Your demise cannot be far
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Black Death has just struck your town
You yourself feel quite run-down
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Burn, then rape by firelight
Add _romance_ to life tonight
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Indigestion's what you get
From the enemies you 'et
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
We love children, yes we do
Baked or broiled or in a stew
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
May your deeds with sword and axe
Equal those with sheep and yaks
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
This one lesson you must learn
First you pillage, then you burn
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
While you eat your birthday stew
We will loot the town for you,
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
We brought linen, white as cloud
The women sit and sew your shroud
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
Just be glad the friends you've got
Haven't found out you-know-what
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
I'm a leper, can't you see
Have a birthday kiss from me
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
It's your birthday never fear
You'll be dead this time next year
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
So far Death you have bypassed
Don't look back, he's gaining fast
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
You must marry very soon
Baby's due by next full moon
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)

It's your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
When you've reached this age you know
That the mind is first to go
On your Birthday! (thud!) Happy Birthday! (thud!)
It's your Birthday (thud!) Happy Birthday (thud!)
You are very, very old
Soon you will be dead and cold
It's your Birthday (thud!) Happy Birthday (thud!)