Take Off That Leash!

Don't put your kid on leashes.

I hate that. I think it was best summed up many years ago when I was sitting on the floor at a Disclave with a friend of mine. While we were talking, some parent came from around a corner, lagging behind a small girl, possibly 2-3 years old, on one of those harness leashes. Since we were on the floor, she came right up to us, but one strong jerk of the leash, and she was forced to heel to her master. The parent then became consumed in conversation with someone else who was leaving a panel in a room we were next to. Because the child was on this leash, she ended up entangling people as they tried to exit the room. After a few frustrated attempts at restraining her wanderings (which consisted of sharp jerks on the harness), the exasperated parent picked the girl up by the leash, where she hung in mid-air like on a stage harness from "Peter Pan: The Musical." I don't think she was in any pain, but once she realized that she was restrained in mid-air, she began to squeal in frustration. After a few moments of this, the panel had emptied, and satisfied the traffic had slimmed down, he put her back on the floor, where she sat and clawed at the hotel carpeting with her fingers. After a while, she got up, and then got her neck entangled, which made her whine some more. The parent gave an exasperated sigh, and proceeded to angrily untwist the toddler until she was free to roam the circumference of her tether. Finally, the parent realized that the distraction of the toddler jerking at the leash was too much, told his friend they could meet later, and the parent passed us, with the toddler anxiously tugging forward like a bloodhound on the chase.

When they were out of earshot, my friend leaned towards me as whispered (sarcastically), "I used to have a pet like that, but it gained its own independence and sense of self-worth, so I had to put it down."

Dogs have leashes. Horses need to be restrained because they don't know better. I guess you could say the same of toddlers. But toddlers evolve into thinking human beings. Leashes are a strong physical restraint from master to servant. They are appropriate on animals and sex games, but not for children.

"But he's so active!" I heard from parents. "It's a safety harness, to prevent kidnapping," say some others. Bullshit. Leashes are lazy tools for parents who don't want to spend time being with their child, but for some reason or another, can't find a babysitter. It is a crude, cheap tool used for restraint. For those who give me those excuses above, I have two words for you:

Hold hands.

You know, intimacy with your child? Maybe bond a little? "Oh, who has time?" You say. "He's hyperactive, that won't work!" My son was diagnosed with heavy ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), and never once have I put him on a leash or tied him to a hitching post. Okay, you don't want to hold a little sweaty hand that has been God-knows-where. If you hold hands, they pull away, you say. Okay, since bonding with your child is obviously not a selling point, there are practical purposes as well.

You can only know what your child is doing when you are not looking if the leash is taut. Parents usually develop a sixth sense when trouble's a-brewin' in their offspring's wanderings, but if you are distracted because of clothes shopping or gabbing with friends, you get distracted. If you hold hands or carry your child, you will always know what is happening. Holding hands gives you direct physical contact with your child. If he or she is reaching for something, you can feel it in your hands. You can feel the little fingers twist, and the palm flex as it matches the action of the other hand, ready to snatch some floor-bound item, possibly to pop it into an awaiting mouth. You will know what he or she is up to. A leash… you child could go behind you and stick something in a power outlet. All you will hear is a snap, and a jerk on the leash before the leash goes limp.

If your kid is really hyper, take it from someone who has been there, you can control it. Once you get past the concept that they cannot help it, you will realize that physical abuse or constant berating will do little to no good at all. It will only frustrate you, and it will eat away at your child's self-esteem until they think the only time you love and pay attention to them is when they act up. This is how people learn to stay in abusive relationships. Instead, here are some tips that while it may not solve the problem, will help:

1. Watch your child's diet. This should be obvious, but you can make a kid hyper by giving them sugar and caffeine, which occurs in such things at colas, chocolate, cookies, and candy. Some kids also get hyper on MSG, which occurs naturally in soy products, and also a lot of fast food. Reduce these in your kid's diet, or cut them out altogether. This is a GREAT topic to speak with your pediatrician about.
2. Pay attention to the right things. If you ignore them when they are being good, and pay attention to them when they are being bad, you end up saying, "You will get attention from me when you act up," because to a kid, bad attention is better than no attention at all. Kids crave attention because it is a natural survival learning tool. Praise them often for good behavior, like, "Thank you for being calm while I was talking to the cashier" and "I am proud of you for acting so good in that grown-up restaurant." As we said in manager training, "Catch them doing something right!" For when they are bad, ignore them and lose all emotion. They will learn over time that controlling themselves brings praise, and being hyper makes you distant and unreachable. This will strengthen their bond with you. But make sure not to overdo it, or your child may become insecure in the other direction, which will hurt them later in life.
3. Be considerate of your child. Many children become hyper and cranky when sleepy and tired. Children also become BORED quickly, which is something so many parents don't grasp. I have seen parents treat their children as pets far too often. If they treated adults like they treat their kids, they would be considered EXTREMELY rude and inconsiderate. Symptoms include taking them to boring places and ignoring them, dragging them along without any reason or conversation, treating them as if they don't know anything, and talking about their kids in the third person IN FRONT OF THEM TO OTHER PEOPLE ("Jimmy has some behavioral issues, but his doctor thinks it may be his loose bladder!"). Kids have feelings. Kids get bored, just like we do. Kids hate disrespect as much as we do. Think about that for a second. Kids are HUMAN BEINGS that THINK and FEEL and have different thoughts than everyone else. This is my main gripe about putting kids on a leash. But honestly, if you treat your child with respect and dignity, he or she is sure to follow.
4. Talk to your doctor. If your child is too hyper, ask them what kind of dietary changes can be made. Your pediatrician may also recommend medications if the hyperactivity is caused by an allergy or mental disorder. And if this is the case, don't take it out on yourself or anyone else (especially the child). God made your child that way for some future purpose, so instead of looking at ADHD or dyslexia as a handicap, think of it as a skill, and find things to fit that skill.

But throw away that leash. Leashes are for dogs and horses, not children. The only time I want to see a harness on a child is when they are on a boat, it it will keep them from falling over the edge.